Brother, can you spare a dime?
Being civil makes a difference in so many ways. I just received this lovely note and wanted to share it, word for word (with John’s permission, of course):
“Thanks to you, Sue, I recently came up with a good response to panhandlers on the street (there are so many here in San Francisco that you have to be ready for them). When they ask me for money, I say “No, thank you”.
Honestly, I think most of them don’t know what to think, but they’re definitely not used to hearing “thank you”. My hope is that a touch of civility might activate a shred of pride in these people while also allowing me to not feel bad by always giving a negative response.
The idea came to me one day because I asked “What would Sue do?”
Thank you, Sue.
John
PS: This morning, a panhandler replied with “Good answer”. That was a first for me and it proves that people listen.”
Thank you, John. It warms my heart to hear that I may have inspired you to warm the hearts of others. We can each make a difference by treating others with respect, no matter where, when or why our paths cross. It helps to remember that civility doesn’t care about the color of someone’s collar.
Being civil in most situations, is certainly desirable. However, I’m not sure that ‘thank you’ is the right response. It sounds, to me, rather passive aggressive. If someone asks for something which we do not want to do, we normally don’t say, ‘no thank you’, we normally say, ‘no, I’m sorry’, don’t we? Might I suggest a reply that we would give to anyone and not something particular to ‘panhandlers’?
Thanks for your time.
Glenn
Thanks for your comment, Glenn. I have given this much thought, and have concluded that, at least in my opinion, it’s unnecessary to apologize for choosing not to participate in what others are offering. For example, when a telemarketer calls to invite me to purchase whatever they’re selling, I normally don’t say, “I’m sorry, I’d rather not buy your product.” Instead, I say, “No, thank you. I’m not interested,” though often I have to repeat myself to get my point across. The same applies when I’m walking through the mall and the stylist at the portable hair kiosk approaches me offering to use their fabulous new tool to improve the look of my locks. I simply make eye contact, smile and say, “No thanks.” I have nothing to be sorry for (except maybe the state of my hair!).
To me, John’s note indicates that he feels good about finding a way that works for him to acknowledge the person’s request in a respectful manner without feeling guilty for either (a) avoiding them, which he did in the past, or (b) not sharing his cash. Is it right for everyone? Probably not. But I also don’t think it’s a passive-aggressive response.
My best advice for anyone who is in a quandary about how to reply to an offer they’re not interested in or able to support – whether it’s from a friend, a family member, a telemarketer or a stranger on the street who’s down on their luck – is to be honest, sincere, confident and to the point. Just as each circumstance is different, so is each response.
Respectfully,
Sue